One more final to go and I am really happy with the choice I made to finish it out. Mostly motivated by the desire to save face, I find the pressure to perform on these tests almost laughable when you are on your way out. I took some time on my last exam to watch intently those who were counting their whole lives on these tests. One girl looked up to the ceiling like she was praying; wishing, hoping that for just a moment brilliance would strike her and she would write a masterpiece for our professor. Others were frantically flipping through pages, putting in an absurd amount of pensive thought. I was just hoping to get through enough so that I didn’t fail out. If I wanted to fail out I would have not gone and trust me I thought about it.
I feel really good about the future though. I’ve been applying to whole slew of positions. The favorite administrative assistant, secretary, and receptionist positions that recent grads or dropouts like me end up applying for. It took a while for me to get over my bruised ego of having to accept the fact that I will never be that brilliant lawyer that almost all of us envisioned ourselves to be at the end of our law school careers. But I have a new image of myself. In this vision I’m a person that has time to go to the movies on Friday nights or shopping once a week. I’m a person that can finish a book for my own reading enjoyment. I go on dates. Go to concerts like how I used to. And maybe I get to go on a vacation with my friends instead of saving costs by buying Ramen rather than just buying real food. That’s right I am not a savior of justice. I’m just saving myself.
I saw my sister the other day, she just came back from being in DR for six weeks. She was doing some clinicals there, she’s finishing medical school this year. We were talking on the couch in my house, the one I grew up in, and it seemed to me that if she could do it all over again she probably wouldn’t do medical school. She had to watch all her friends go on multiple vacations a year as nurses. I’m sure she really enjoyed the stress and challenge of med school. I enjoyed the challenge of law school. But that gets old. At least for my sister she gets placement. Law school is basically fend for yourself in an elitist environment. She got placed at a hospital in the City and she’ll get subsidized housing. That’s better than most new law school grads get it anymore. When we were talking I looked at her, she was tired but she was still happy. Looking at myself, I don’t know if I would be that lucky if I continued law school.
On a brighter note, I decided to get Netflix and indulge myself in some leisure 🙂