I went home this weekend. I haven’t seen my parents since last week and had hardly seen them over the semester so I thought I would pay them another visit. I also saw my sister, who is graduating from medical school. She was lucky enough to be able to go do some globetrotting. She went first to the Dominican Republic, to do some medicinal studies, and then Greece, to do some R&R. Lucky, I honestly don’t see myself being that fortunate in law school. Right now, I am supposed to be participating in the writing competition and working full time at an internship I’m not getting paid for. All for the sake of education right? I consider my sister very fortunate, having chosen medicine, she’s placed in a well respected hospital in the city and will be paid roughly 55K for her residency with subsidized housing. She’s more better off than law students because the placement programs at medical schools and she starts off with 55K AND subsidized housing. In the worst of the economy I saw fresh attorneys getting paid 35K. Sounds like financial suicide to me…
Anyway I digress, I went home this weekend to partly feel out the environment because this house is about to turn into WW3. It has always been my parent’s dream that become a high level professional like an attorney. Especially my mother. She’s been prancing around telling everyone and anyone that she’s about to have a daughter that’s an attorney. Imagine her humiliation having to tell people that instead of an attorney I will be a law school dropout. My parents double teamed me today. Saying this and that about how I should look down the long road ahead of me and realize that the rewards are not immediate but down the long road ahead. There’s no arguing with my parents. They believe their right and still know what is best for me. And I completely understand their worries and their issues with me leaving law school but at the end of the day I know that they both have their own agendas. My mother loves to gloat and my sisters and I are just another tool she uses to show that she has accomplished something. My father loves structure and the thought of me wandering through life in search of meaning and happiness seems to him like a load of hogwash when I have a “surefire” ticket to stability.
The honest fact about me is that I was never made to be an attorney. I don’t like rules and restrictions. I like being creative. I don’t like spending hours upon hours scouring books looking for the nook in the cranny of knowledge. I didn’t like being a law student and I sure as hell won’t like being a lawyer.
As disappointed as my parents will be that their middle child protegee will not be an attorney, I realize that disappointment only matters when your disappointing yourself. I’ve been able to do a lot of things I wouldn’t have been able to do as a law student since I’ve quit. I’ve gone on job interviews. I’ve seen my family and friends. I’ve sat around like a couch potato and indulged in watching TV series like an addict. I’ve gone drinking and been, at times, belligerently drunk. This might not seem like much to enjoy but it’s one less thing I would have had as a law student. This is life. Not a degree, not your wealth. But rather, the days you have to spend doing things that matter or don’t matter to you.