Why Can’t I Spell Dropout?

Sorry my brain is fried. I didn’t realize that I misspelled it until it was too late. It doesn’t help that legal concepts are clouding my mind so that I now find it hard to do even the simplest tasks. I decided to keep it as my domain mainly because it’s quaint. It also shows how muddled my mind is from all this shit.

I have an analogy for you. Law School is like getting married. It’s expensive, it’s a life commitment, and it’s exciting but sure to get dull over time. Like that one, huh? I think it’s true. I’m pretty sure there are a lot of people like me, that signed up for hell because they weren’t sure what they would do but thought they could figure it out later. After all, there are plenty of things to do in law. Lawyers are always needed. Actually, that’s a completely flawed way of thinking. Doctor’s are always needed, not so much lawyers. I would have been better off figuring out my life as an administrative assistant rather than spend 30K in order to learn that law is not for me. The reason I stayed so long is that I also liked the prestige of saying I was a law student. It was basically like saying, “Haha stupid, you couldn’t make it this far.”

I know there are people that want to be here. Every night they feel like there is this duty to read the cases, that there is a true meaning in the law that calls them to think up hypotheticals to ask the professor. Kudos to them, those are the people that deserve to be in law school with full scholarship. But that’s not me. Unfortunately, for my parents. I kinda want to be young. I’m 22, never had a real job, and am wasting my youth on a subject that really doesn’t fancy my interests. Maybe quitting will be the best thing I ever did, maybe the worst, I guess I’ll find out and you’ll know as I blog along about it. ūüôā

I’m actually really excited to leave law school behind. But I am also melancholy. I was studying with my study group yesterday for eight hours and I really love every single one of them. They’re very special to me. And it will suck to leave them but I have this strange feeling that we won’t be the same study group next year. It’s hard enough to schedule our time together as 1L’s, I can hardly imagine it working out next semester when we’re all supposed to have joined a journal, the moot court or a clinic. And I really can’t commit my life to a profession just because I love my study group. That’s not practical either.

On the other hand, the job search is going horrendously. I don’t have any useful experience in much of anything. So I’m basically just applying for entry level management positions or administrative positions. I mean, I’ve only applied for one week, but I’m so impatient. Definitely one of my worst qualities. I don’t expect to hear form anyone for at least two weeks.

Well wish me luck. Because who knows where I’ll end up.

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Battered Woman Syndrome

I have yet to leave law school. ¬†Several attempts and I have yet to make it; ¬†but with nearly 200k worth of student loans ahead of me, I think this time it’s real. ¬†If I leave now it would only be 50K, which would suck as a loss but would not be undoable.

Before I started, I contemplated just taking the loan money and running.  I had just moved into a new apartment in Queens; the loan money would have held me over for at least six months until I found a job.  I could have just never showed up.  I could have gotten my money back.  Nah, I actually somewhat enjoyed my first  semester.  And I did meet some really amazingly smart individuals, too bad their putting all that intellect to law school.

I remember when I first started law school. ¬†It was a whirlwind of excitement. ¬†Here I was, part of this elite class of people. ¬†We were told that this would be the most exciting intellectual experience we would ever encounter. ¬†That the sky was the limit. ¬† I got to walk around like I was the shit or rather the B-O-S-S. ¬†Shamefully, I had a sort of cavalier attitude that said, “That’s right bitch, I’m a law student and I’m the shit.” ¬† It didn’t last too long.

By the end of 1st semester, I was done. ¬†I hated law. ¬†Especially Legal Research and Writing. ¬†Horrible class. ¬†And that was the one class that was somewhat useful. ¬† I actually learned how to write as a lawyer, too bad legal writing is completely devoid of any creativity. ¬†It was the most mathematical writing I ever encountered. uggghhhhh! ¬†That’s one thing I will not miss about quiting.

And then I got my grades. (Don Don Don) ¬†Yep bottom 10%. ¬†lucky me. ¬†I really could not figure out what went wrong. ¬†I should have quit then. ¬†But they know how hard it is for type A personalities to admit defeat. ¬†That’s why they make you face the Dean of Students and tell them you want to quit. ¬†They’ll shake their heads at you and say, “Are you sure?” ¬†AKA: ¬†You can’t come back. ¬†I sat in the Registrars office and guess what they had as a sign: ¬†“Quitting is Forever.” ¬†Those sons of bitches really know how to guilt you. ¬†I made all my friends at this point anyway
 I got sucked back in.  This time however, I am not paying my bill.  Let them try to suck me back with no dinero.
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